


The Confessional Booth, and Why Your Ship Needs One

by orangebiscotti



Category: Suikoden, Suikoden IV
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:27:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangebiscotti/pseuds/orangebiscotti
Summary: Setsu can't understand why Lazlo insists on maintaining a confessional aboard his ship, but the reason is quite simple.
Kudos: 4





	The Confessional Booth, and Why Your Ship Needs One

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure Lazlo is quite sweet, but the logic behind some of these game mechanics makes you wonder...

"Who does he think he is!? I'll show you 'passing judgment'—! When His Majesty hears about this, I swear! That sanctimonious son of a…"

Normally the gentle, rocking motions of the _Dauntless_ at sea were enough to put Setsu's high-strung nerves at ease, but today was different. He stormed through the narrow hallways of the ship with furious purpose in each step. A slow, swelling bruise shining with sweat crowned his bald head, and his thick mustache bristled with each muttered curse under his breath.

_What an injustice! Dropping buckets on someone like that is surely some form of assault. It's unacceptable!_

He rounded a corner and nearly collided into an oncoming figure. Setsu instantly backpedaled and prepared to wag an angry fist, then hesitated. The captain of the _Dauntless_ himself stood opposite him with an apologetic expression.

"Sorry," the young man said. "I didn't see you there, Setsu. Is everything okay?"

The sweat across Setsu's brow began to trickle down his temples. It wouldn't do him any good to get on Lazlo's bad side, especially considering the terrifying power of his True Rune. But then again, he _was_ the captain of the ship, and Setsu had grievances to air.

"Lazlo! Are you aware of what that ruffian Keen is up to?!"

"Keen?"

"Yes! I'm certain you know. He's about yea tall—" Setsu waved a hand, making certain to show Keen was just a teeny bit shorter than himself, "—nasally voice, bulging eyes, and bald head?"

Lazlo stared back and tilted his head. A beat of silence passed before the young man narrowed his eyes, glancing up at Setsu's swelling bruise. He couldn't help but suspect Lazlo felt his description was more closely aligned with himself rather than Keen.

"N-no! _Keen_! That weaselly fellow manning the confessional room. You're the captain of this ship, and I'd like to lodge a complaint!"

"Yes, I know Keen."

"Every individual aboard a seafaring vessel ought to have a purpose, and I fail to see what his is! We need to run a tight ship here!"

"Keen is an important member of our army, Setsu."

"He hides in a room all by himself—and mind you, space is _limited_ on a boat, so we could be putting that room to good use!—then he nominates himself worthy to ask all manner of invasive questions!"

Setsu felt his blood pressure rise as he recalled his encounter earlier that morning. One wrong turn into an unfamiliar room, and suddenly he found himself standing in front of a divider and under interrogation. Even with the divider, Keen's voice was instantly recognizable. Only a coward would choose to hide their face while passing judgment of others, and Keen's questioning was far too invasive for Setsu's liking.

But worst of all, it felt as though Keen could sense Setsu's unease surrounding Lazlo in particular. His stomach churned with disgust and dread as he recalled the gleeful lilt in Keen's voice as he 'passed his judgment' and unceremoniously dropped a wooden wash bucket from an unseen compartment overhead. Setsu's bruise throbbed as if to voice its indignation.

_I merely only spoke my mind! Of course I'm going to be uncomfortable. To think that such a powerful rune would be stationed so close to His Majesty's room… it doesn't sit well with me one bit._

"Questions? It's a confessional," Lazlo answered simply.

"That's not my point! My point is why do we even need such a frivolous thing? Why would anyone here need to _confess_ to anything!?"

Lazlo said nothing, his hands awkwardly gesturing.

Setsu decided to interpret Lazlo's silence as encouragement to continue talking. He was more than happy to oblige. "Might I remind you that _you_ enlisted this delinquent? If anyone needs to confess their sins, it's _him_! The man was an assassin in the employ of Reinbach the Second!" Setsu's tone rose to a shrill pitch, but it was too late to stop now. "What makes him qualified to judge anyone?!"

"Setsu," Lazlo offered a gentle smile. His voice was calm and warm. "Are you familiar with the concept of jetsam?"

Setsu blinked, startled. "J-jetsam? What a silly question. Flotsam and jetsam are basic principles even a greenhorn on the seas understands! It's any sort of cargo tossed overboard intentionally to lighten the load."

Lazlo maintained his silence, all the while still smiling.

"In fact, it would behoove us to toss some jetsam off the _Dauntless_ , given how crowded things are becoming here! His Majesty needs more space, and I've been meaning to talk about the placement of _your_ room in particular. Yes, the disposal of jetsam would do us all some good!"

"Yes," Lazlo echoed. "You said it yourself, Setsu. We need to run a tight ship here, so it's important to toss some jetsam overboard from time to time."

"Yes, yes. Of _course_ I'm right. So what does this have to do with Keen!?"

"That's easy. Someone has to identify the jetsam."

"Identify… the jetsam?"

Lazlo continued to smile and offered a friendly wave as he turned and walked away, leaving Setsu alone with his swelling bruise.


End file.
